This morning I asked for something different. I asked God to show me how God lavishly loves the women around me.

I’ll back up.

I’m at a conference for work and the woman sitting beside me won a book. Jealousy sparked. I love books. Why her? She had already gotten to participate in some pretty amazing things this weekend. Some were kick-ass. She got to model, she won some awards, got to sit with all the right people and got to get up on the stage. Wasn’t it my turn to get something good?

Apparently not.

Later that evening there was a bigger giveaway. I knew how much I had been effected by the book thing so I just started praying/begging God to give it to someone who really needed it, and for the ability to celebrate with them. That felt better; but it still felt empty. I didn’t know what else I could do. I couldn’t force the jealousy out of my heart. It wouldn’t cave to my sheer force of will.

But…

But God…

But God sometime in the next 12 hours reminded me of the season when I couldn’t turn around without running into God’s lavish love. Specific acts that only I would see that were for me—culminating in $42 thrifted cowboy boots nine hours after mentioning to Doug I wanted a pair. No one else knew. God lavishly loved me in a time when I needed that direct connection.

I don’t know why that story popped into my head. Maybe because I was wearing the boots. But I meditated on the memory.

So I woke up today and the prayer slipped out.

Jesus, help me observe how you are lavishing love on people today.

Somehow, the jealousy dissipated—melted away like the dew from the grass when the sun hits it. Jealousy pales in comparison to a God who is lavishly, actively and specifically loving God’s people. And I was invited to sit back and see.

Deeper still—I was invited to see that it doesn’t matter if the gift, or love, is needed or not because it is supposed to be lavish. It goes beyond need. If I give my children only what they need, but not one thing more, is that lavish love? Maybe. But God is more and God gives more. And deeper still—there is jealousy I have battled for years. They have the audience I want; they have written the words I want; people quote them and make others cry…But for a moment, I get to live in freedom from that jealousy. God turned it upside down and inside out and it feels glorious. It feels glorious to truly celebrate the lavish love God is giving the other writers, speakers and teachers.

Jealousy will most likely creep back in. There will be moments where I am under it’s spell and act out of fear and scarcity. There will be times when the world feels infinitely small.

But God.

My lavish God showed me how to combat it.

Look and see my lavish love for the world I have made.

And you’re in it!

You get to see how I love.

It feels glorious.

3 Comments on on jealousy

  1. Sarah, So refreshing to read someone’s being transparent. How few young women are confident enough to be so! God bless you for blessing Him!

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